Saturday, March 22, 2008
email#2 - Edinburgh
Subject: raindrops Date: Wed, 21 Nov 2007 16:29:37 +0000
It has rained now for 48hours.
Gets dark now by 3.30pm.
The beautiful buildings are old, solid stone, creating more darkness.
Today Edinburgh looks dreary.
The enormous double deckers hoon up and down the thin
cobbled streets soaking anyone, everyone,- me - walking on the pavement with the backlash from the enormous grey puddles.
Ah yes, now i remember.
Now i remember at least
one of the reasons i left this place.
Another: My Family!
They are quite insane. Dysfunction running rampant. I of course, have a part to play within the dynamics of my family dysfunction. I mean, i am a Turnbull too. And at times, I have gone a little crazy myself... But Oh such drama and grumpiness. They are, all of them, so grumpy (at least they are today).
I must add - I love them all dearly and wouldn't wish for another family.
We are close knit, thus every now again a stitch is dropped creating a few gaps, (crap metaphore I know) but nothing permanent...nothing that can't be repaired. Perhaps because the darkness sets in, even before tea-time, is the reason for this rampant wryness? Whatever the case may be, this is the land of the grumps.
DUMP THE GRUMPS I SAY!!!
The honeymoon is over.
My dad and me, we had a blow out today.
It was truly horrible.
We ripped ourselves apart, went our separate ways and a few hours later after crying out into the dismal melancholic sea of Portobello, with thoughts of running away (suddenly I felt 15 all over again)I caught the bus home and apologised probably for the first time to my dad.
He looked tired and he had aged.
I put my arms around him and asked for his forgivness.
This morning I cried an adults tears of letting go of the relationship I once had with my Dad as young girl. A relationship that ended abruptly when we suddenly found ourselves facing one another from opposing corners.
This alienation at thirteen altered everything.
An adult now, I have come some way in accepting my Dad for who he is whether i like it or not, and that's the hard part because at times, although I love him, I don't like him much.
Don't go changin!
Eva arrives from old London Town tomorrow.
We will spend a few days in the Ilse of Arron, also known as, a mini Scotland.
Its really beautiful there. I may then go to London with Eva for a few days next week.
I do have clarity now about where I want to live. My life in Melbourne is really a wonderful life, (your favourite film Richard).
I have brilliant and amazing friends, my delightful dog Riff,
a swell dwelling, fucking good coffee (sorry Eva!).
I look forward to returning and although this letter doesn't sound too positive I am enjoying everything here. I'm careful not to project and therefore miss whatever is in front of me.
I spent my day today on and off double decker buses racing raindrops down the steamed up window, and although in and out of daydreams I remain truly present.
XX Lesl xx
A Walk In The Park